What shares in common of getting a Ph.D and relieving the bowels?

1) You must have something already, otherwise the process would be paintful.
2) You need  a "PAPER".
3) What on the paper is “SHIT”.
4) The more papers you have, the more relived you will feel.
5) You can not use a paper that was used by others. You can still use it, if it is not that apparent.
6) If you are lucky enough, you can borrow a paper from a saviour.